Despite your real estate agentís best efforts, you canít seem to get to the place where youíre ready to choose one house over another. At best, house hunting with your spouse is frustrating. And itís not that you havenít already looked at 20 houses; you have. The problem is that your spouse and your tastes in houses are far apart. If you donít work together and close this preference gap, you could lose out on a rare deal on a new home.
Closing gaps that couples have in housing amenities and structural musts
As awful as it may feel, your situation is not unique. Couples arguing over which house to buy is so common that there are television shows dedicated to the conflicts. Part of the reason why couples may struggle to reach consensus about buying a new house has to do with attachments that one or both people have to their current home.
Let someone be attached to their current house and you can expect that person to find at least one major, seemingly insurmountable, issue with any new house. Psychologists say that moving is emotionally tough on children and adults. Although there are people who move compulsively, packing and moving into a new home once every other year, many people prefer to stay where they are.
If you and your spouse keep bumping heads about which new house to purchase, sit down and talk about special experiences that you have that are tied to your current home. For example, you might have owed the house before you got married and have fond memories of summer backyard cookouts that you had with friends. If you move, you may think that youíll be losing these special times similar to how people fear that getting laid off from a job will permanently take them away from friends they made at work.
Ways to work through the stress of a house move
Take a few days to talk about experiences you had at your current home. Assure one another that you can continue creating and enjoying great experiences alone and with family and friends at a new house, a place that fits your changing needs better.
Also, take pictures of your current home. Videotaping birthday parties, holiday events and sports and weekend hangouts are great ways to seize moments that you want to not only remember, but take to your new home. Start to take pictures and begin to create videotapes now, if you havenít already incorporated this memory capturing process into your lifestyle.
Doing so sends a message to your spouse that you share his or her values. It also shows that you do appreciate your current home and agree that it was a smart decision to live in the house for as long as you did.
Look to the future
After you talk about what you appreciate about your current house and start capturing memorable experiences, see if your spouse isnít more open to looking at new houses without searching for major flaws in the new house. If your spouse is still resistant to moving, create a list of things that your current house is preventing you from doing.
For example, your current house might be keeping you from expanding your family due to lack of space. Due to its design, your current home might be keeping you from building a home office. An aging parent might not be able to move in with you because of the way your current house is structured. Lack of yard space could prevent you from starting your event planning business or from hosting family gatherings.
Take a technical and an emotional approach when choosing a new house. It could help both your spouse and you adjust to the change. It could also help you both capture moments spent at your current house that you want to take to your new home with you.